Comme Des Enfantes
by AvoCola
Summary: Sayu wasn't handling the effects of Kira's passed reign well already. What happens when the ICPO bows to a special interest group's request that Kira's identity be published? When forced to relive her past, Sayu may find a path to her future.


Heyo. I was looking through some old documents, and found this lil' ol' thing from about three years ago! Even if it, being so old, is extremely rough, I felt compelled to post it as the first chapter of this new chapterfic. I will be updating on Wednesdays, but every other Wednesday to be precise. It's a MatsuSayu. I hope you enjoy, and as always, I very much appreciate reviews and messages.

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><p>"Sayu, why are you in my room?" Light sighed, shifting in his chair. Even at junior high, he spent half his vacations shut in his room, with pencil in hand and study materials laid out. A new tennis racket laid lonely against his closet, the only source of entertainment visible in the room. He'd been ignoring it, just as he'd been ignoring the little girl blocking his doorway.<p>

"Just to use your mirror," Sayu lilted, pouting.

"There's a mirror in your room, too. Unless you broke it again," Light pointed out, nevertheless getting up to follow his sister to his nightstand.

"Mine isn't as big as yours! I can't even see my own face. Mom keeps it too high on the shelf now."

"I wonder why," Light muttered, nevertheless tilting the large mirror so that Sayu could see all of herself. Sayu twirled in front of it, humming and imagining. What would she look like when the baby fat stripped away from her face, when she was tall enough to touch the cabinets in the kitchen? Worlds of possibilities passed through her mind, ranging from the somewhat realistic -herself as a successful office professional, as an alternate version of her own mother- to a little girl's world of fantasy. In that mirror, she could see herself as a rock star, a model, a princess.

"Light, come over for a second? I wanna see if I've finally gotten taller than you." Sayu stood on tip-toe, puffing out her chest to look as big as possible. Light's puzzled look made Sayu expel all that air in a fit of giggles. He hid a smile, moving to fit his image in with hers. Sayu glowed with happiness, her innocence radiant in her reflection. Two children, happy, healthy and innocent. Of all the reflected visions, it was the one Sayu loved best. However, her pout soon returned.

"I'm almost there!" She wheedled, jumping to come closer but nearly falling over for trying so hard. Light snickered, leaning down to rest his chin on Sayu's head.

"At least you're tall enough to make a good chin-rest," He teased, holding up his hands in truce when his sister tried to cover up her amusement with high pitched protests and weak slaps at him. "All right, all right. Have you looked enough?" He asked, knowing he'd never get back to his work if Sayu had her way.

"Wait, Light. Just a few more seconds, one more look," Sayu said, clenching the end of his shirt to keep him prisoner. He stood still and patient, too patient for his age even in such an immature moment.

Sayu gazed longingly into the mirror, wanting to preserve those images. But as she gazed, something seemed to change. The starch in Light's clothing held each fold more rigid, matching his ramrod posture. She noticed the way his hands hung in loose fists, the way his hair cast shadows in his eyes. How painted was his smile, how sharp were his features. Sayu swallowed and looked away, the picture playing back worse and worse in her mind.

"Sayu? Are you all right?" Light said, lifting up her bangs to place his hand on her forehead. Sayu closed her eyes, taking comfort in the warmth of his hand and gesture.

"I'm done with the mirror," She said, unsure of what had even just happened. Sayu snuck a hug from Light while his posture was still open, leaning into his thin frame. He still smelled the same, Sayu told herself, nuzzling into the embrace. Light pulled away in that way that brothers do, attempting to retain their coolness. Sayu trotted out of the room, stopping at the doorframe to offer her perplexed brother a smile. Convincing herself with that smile as well, Sayu skipped the way back to her room.

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><p>The sound of footsteps faded off into Sayu's thoughts, merging with the next half-hearted image. Too many memories flitted through Sayu's mind. She didn't care for a single one, or so she tried to tell herself. They didn't matter anymore.<p>

December. Clouds hung heavily today, Sayu noted, leaving the entire world in a sheath of grey. This was the only type of day that made sense to her anymore. Why should the world have color, have warmth? It was all a lie, a horrid illusion. Insects lent only a slight ring to the silence. Thousands of individual calls, all so morphed and insignificant.

Everything was a number now. Now that her father had died, that she'd lost every sense of safety and justice in that mafia kidnapping, that her brother had died. Kira had taken all that she was, all that she cared about. Every death Kira had caused was now a faded statistic. Sayu still wasn't very good at mathematics, especially since she'd never been able to finish up at her university. Still, even she knew that her personal sadness was only a slice of the gloom hanging over the world since Kira's passing. He'd left only destruction, destruction and emptiness.

The wheelchair wasn't needed anymore, but she often sat in it to look over the balcony of the Yagami's new apartment, as she did now. It reminded her of everything that happened, and a part of her wanted that. She wanted to feel the pain of everything she had missed, everything she hadn't taken the time to notice about her saintly brother. Every remembered negative thought of him stung as if her ribcage would crumble. He'd given his life to kill Kira, after all, leaving her alone in this grey, grey expanse.

Real footsteps behind her now. Her mother, coming to usher her in half-heartedly. The widow had changed. Her face was lined with new wrinkles, her hair ridden with white, and her posture weighted with hurt and apathy. She dragged Sayu back inside, unaware of the silent panic running through Sayu. Sayu needed to see everything. She couldn't be taken away. She couldn't miss a detail. This new, dead world was all she had, and she'd missed so much before, back when the world reflected a better dream.

The doorbell rang, a mechanized parody of some hopeful church's chime. And once again Sayu was alone, left staring at some cracked apartment wall as her mother ran to greet some withering shred of the outside world they once knew.


End file.
